Control

One day my son came back home from school, very upset. In fact it is the first day for him at the new school. He was upset because he thought he was not treated properly at the school. In the previous school, the students were not controlled in the class and he was enjoying due to familiar environment.

Suddenly this changed. As he did not go for first week, the teachers expect him to complete the backlog in a day (at least he felt so). All these upset him and he came back home in a tense mood. Wife was upset as she tried hard to get him admitted in the new school.

I met him in the swimming pool in the evening after my return from the office. We talked a little. When I came home, I asked him how he felt at the new school. He told me all his woes and expressed the desire to go back to the old school. This he did about 10 times that night.

I said, lets see and asked him what his teacher wanted him to do. We both together worked and completed half of the notes. Then I told him that I will complete the balance work in his rough notes so that he can copy the same the next day, when he has time. Then we discussed some rubiks cube solving(his current fancy) in which he could teach me something. Then he slept off.

The next day, though not enjoying, he prepared and went to the new school. The resistance had gone down. Had to work on it for more days.

Generally we get upset when things are not to our liking. Our liking mostly is based on pre conceived notions and not on rational thinking. It my not be to our good, if we take some decisions in that emotional state. This is because in an emotional state rational brains ceases to work.

It is required to control ourselves at such times. In other words one needs to control oneself from oneself.

For this one needs to understand the phenomenon of emotions and emotional triggers. Once a person gets sensitized to this aspect, one can search for triggers which takes him to such state. The trigger can be a dis agreement, a talk back from subordinate or peer etc. These are to be found by the person who wants to know.

Once the triggers are identified, one can check for ways to avoid those triggers. There are many ways to distance oneself from these triggers. One has to research for what works best for him.

This gives one control over oneself. We can train children in this by rational reasoning over a long period. Though the exercise is time taking, it is worth pursuing.

Experience with Children

Are children asset or liability.

Once can argue both ways on this topic. My personal belief is that we can make the children what we want them to be, to most extent.

In dealing with children, the theory about situational leadership helps. In that theory the point is that on needs to act as per the level of one’s subordinate to lead him/her. That means one style of leadership will not work in all cases.

Similarly, one has to behave with children differently at different times. But the behavior should be consistent. Let me explain. One can point out issues in a child’ behavior. But few precautions will help deliver the message firmly but in a friendly tone. criticize the act and not the actor. Also don't use corporal punishment. This type of behavior help developing bond between parents and children.

Now a days children are getting exposed to life experiences from an early age. A parent can help them further if he/she creates more and more opportunities in that direction.  For example, letting them take (minor) decisions. Let them go out and purchase things on their own. This will teach them the way world works. A parent needs to be ready for some loss in the bargain.

Children can be used as good learning tool. If one discusses various topics with children above  15, one gets good inputs, which a parent can use.

Thus it all depends on how one reacts and how one uses children to mutual advantage, that determines relationship with children.

Lastly one has to respect a child’s privacy. This is important because, every one has his own secrets and others need to respect that space. This will not be a major problem as long as healthier bond exists between child and a parent.

Many of these methods, I used in my life and the response or result is very satisfactory.

Another Cube puzzle.

There is another toy puzzle, which is similar to rubick’s cube. It is called Soma cube. It has 7 pieces from which on has to make a cube. You can see an animation of the same on you tub from following link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ngzN2RQEtM

Though it looks simple, it is not so easy. But children can find the solution with some effort. They will enjoy the challenge.

Many other arrangements can be made with these pieces as shown in the above video.

This is an inexpensive toy which can provide good time for a child.

Origami

This is a fun activity for children and adults alike.

Origami means paper folding. This is a craft, where paper is folded into different shapes. There are many videos available on youtube on how to fold paper to get letters, animals, objects etc.

This is a fun activity for children of all ages. Can be started with children as small as 5 years.

Initially, an adult has to accompany / guide the child in making some easy shapes. It does not matter if the fold or the object is not great. Let children pay with paper first. Slowly they can develop interest and skill and after a year or two, they can do things on their own or by seeing books or videos.

Origami can be used to teach mathematical concepts to kids.
 
This activity develops hand to eye coordination in children, at the same time entertaining them.

Adventure camps India

As children grow older, their range of activity increases. We as a protective parents impart more and more caution to them leading to curtailment of their activity and enthusiasm in the process. There is a famous saying “Many difficult tasks were accomplished by persons who did not know that they are difficult.”

A parent has to come out of this mindset that he/she has to protect the child fully. This change is not possible or advisable on a sudden basis. A child is to be given more and more freedom to do things and understand implications, as he/she grows older. This way, parent also can loosen her control gradually and prepare the child for real world life. It is true that this process of loosening can be easier/faster for a male child compared to a female child, it is needed all the same for any child.

But it is difficult to find a suitable and  appropriate activity for a teen child. There are some organisations in India, who take up some such tasks.  Youth Hostels Association of India(YHAI) is one such. Girivihar in Mumbai is another.

Both these organizations, provide a platform to live a real world life to a child. Girivihar conducts a camp in Dec every year for children between 8-14. They take these children to near by place and let them indulge in activities like rock climbing, rappelling, river crossing etc. The group of children are guided by expert guides. They are conducting this for the past 30 years or more.

YHAI on the other such organization which has pan India presence. They conduct adventure camps for children/adults of various age groups and organize camps twice a year in Dec-Jan and April-Jun at various places in India. Typical age groups are 10-12,12-14, 15 and above and 18 and above. One issue with taking them for a child is that someone has to leave the child at the camp and bring him/her back after the camp.

The bookings open 2-3 months in advance for both of these, so that a parent or guardian can plan in advance for them.

One more fact about these organizations is they are not for profit organization and the pricing of camps is at cost to cost basis.

These organizations and their camps help parent design an age appropriate training program for a child to improve/impart some much needed skills for a child to be on his own in the real world.

YHAI camps are good not only for children but for adults too.

For futher information on these organizations, one can visit their websites.